Previous newsletter content
12/17/24
Steals. Splurges. Rip-offs. Bargains: A framework for measuring value.
12/10/24
Proof that people prefer “Masturbating” over “Meetings that could have been an email.”
12/3/24
Visualizing one year of taking every survey I encountered
11/26/24
Gym Selfies. Empty Ice Trays. Daylight Savings. The Dallas Cowboys.
11/19/24
How to satisfy your in-laws with toilet paper
11/12/24
Taking a survey is like driving in traffic—tolerable if it keeps moving
11/5/24
How to ask shoppers why they choose one brand over another
10/29/24
The one time it’s morally acceptable to shove a fat guy
10/22/24
Want to add some quant rigor to a qual-heavy segmentation?
10/15/24
DAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
10/8/24
Why you should cut “clarifying questions” in your surveys + three data goodies
10/1/24
How I lost $1,660 in respondent fees by asking a “Dress Question.”
9/24/24
How to cut your survey in half without removing a question
9/17/24
A good survey question is a flashlight, not a floodlight
9/10/24
Decode — 8 analyses and visualization techniques for enhancing survey data
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9/3/24
One of the worst survey question I’ve ever answered
8/27/24
Why you should remove ‘metadiscourse’ from your survey
8/20/24
How to Design a Survey Question — a 10-Tip Guide
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8/6/24
How to tell a stranger they’ve got food in their teeth
7/29/24
How to recruit people to take surveys — a vendor guide
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7/15/24
If the pilot is from Poland, I’m not getting on the plane
7/9/24
The difference between Donald Trump and tap water
6/25/24
The question that made Bill Belichick say “Can I be vulnerable for a second?”
6/18/24
Babies and liquor go hand-in-hand
6/11/24
How to make girls named “Courtney” sound legit interesting
6/4/24
Never put baking powder in your carry-on
5/28/24
Found more booger stains in my office bathroom
5/21/24
Tiger Woods caught doom-scrolling
5/14/24
Convert shoppers like a 16th Century Catholic
5/7/24
How to crack open a shopper’s skull without killing them
4/30/24
This question turns people on
4/23/24
Barbarians at the checkout counter
4/16/24
Are babysitters colluding with Christians, Jews, and Muslims?
4/9/24
Are you really any smarter than this Darwin award winner?
4/2/24
My near-miss with sexual harassment at work
3/26/24
Like chewing gum? You could go to jail
3/19/24
Why you should talk about your sex life at work
3/12/24
The nose picker in my office should just pick the booger
3/5/24
My four-year-old son can time travel
2/27/24
I’m done feeling around in the dark for the pacifier
2/20/24
How to move an audience by standing still
2/13/24
How to cook a cigarette
2/6/24
The nearly imperceptible edit to this survey question deserves its own Michelin star
1/30/24
"Brand loyalty is really just a polished turd version of 'consumer whore'"
1/23/24
How to find “language-question fit” for your surveys
1/16/24
The "Net Promotor Score" is truly stupid and I’ll show you why
1/9/24
Using social proof to ask questions that shoppers will answer
1/3/24
Using "Yes/No" questions to filter out bullshit replies
12/19/23
The “Wedding Officiant” guide to posing survey questions
12/12/23
The labels JetBlue uses on this 0-10 scale put “Somewhat Helpful” to shame
12/5/23
What a sex worker can teach you about asking vivid, revealing questions
11/28/23
How Strunk & White’s rule of specificity can transform your customer feedback
11/21/23
To test a headline, turn it into a survey question and guess how many shoppers say “yes”
11/14/23
“Don’t bias the witness” is the Dwight Schrute of survey design that you should completely ignore
11/7/23
Pithy survey rule for turning “vitamin” products into a painkiller
10/31/23
If your survey question doesn’t pass the “aphorism test,” cut it
10/24/23
The secret to unlocking growth could be in your customers’ first names
10/17/23
A survey is not a “list of questions.” It’s a lens for magnifying invisible worlds
10/10/23
Operating with “Pre-Framingham Heart Study” knowledge? Then poll your market
9/26/23
Calling BS on the message that “anyone can design a survey”
9/20/23
The phrase “Somewhat satisfied” should be taken behind the shed and crushed
9/12/23
Unless you’re asking about something people care about, avoid “Agree or Disagree” questions
9/5/23
How one brand used surveys and sales data to find high-value shoppers outside their core audience: a case study
8/29/23
The best way to ask your customers about other brands they considered
8/15/23
Using zip codes, polling, and the US Census to find untapped markets for ecommerce brands
8/7/23
What my ill-advised COVID-19 question taught me about customer surveys
8/1/23
The Evil Twin of “Leading the Witness” that plagues ecommerce post-purchase surveys
6/27/23
How to find the average repeat purchase rate for your market
6/20/23
Unlock insights from “subscribed-but-not-purchased” shoppers with these survey questions
6/13/23
Try this question instead of the usual “likelihood to recommend”
5/23/23
Why you should use the US Census to set your age and income brackets
5/16/23
How to use zip codes to estimate your shoppers' household income
5/9/23
How to weigh your customer survey data and avoid sampling bias
5/2/23
From niche to mass market brand with one post purchase survey question: A data-driven guide.
4/25/23
Discover authentic shopper preferences with the "If you had to buy" question
4/18/23
Give shoppers in your survey a chance to say "Sounds nice. I don't care.
4/11/23
Capture unspoken insights with the “Is there anything else?” question
4/4/23
Don’t ask shoppers how much they’d pay. Ask them what they’ve already bought.
3/28/23
Get better feedback from your post-purchase surveys with these two questions
3/14/23
Don’t ask shoppers to “take a survey.” Invite them to a “subscriber quiz.”
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Sam Waters
VP of Retention Marketing
Alen®