How to satisfy your in-laws with toilet paper
Ever heard the story if the HMS Dolphin?
The 1767 voyage where sailors discovered that women on Tahiti were willing to exchange sex for iron?
Apparently the trade became so extensive that the loss of nails started to threaten the Dolphin’s physical integrity.
Why mention this apocryphal story?
For two reasons.
The first is how well it distills our complex nature into a few key ingredients: sex, trade, exploration.
It reads like an NSFW Aesop’s fable.
The second is forcing people to make difficult tradeoffs is a great way to get deeper insights from your surveys.
Consider this question:
Would you rather spend $150 on an Uber from the airport to get home in 30 minutes, or $7.50 on a commuter train and get home in 60?
I bet you’d take the train.
I would.
But what if I changed the question so the flight was 12 hours instead of 8? What if you had two young kids, or there was a 20% risk of missing the train and getting home even later?
Under these conditions, you might not only consider Uber but tap “confirm my ride” without looking at the price.
The point is to use surveys to find variables that, when altered, shift customer preferences in your favor.
Shape and direct respondents, like a film director collaborating with their cast and crew, rather than passively collect their responses.
Steal-This question template
There’s a framework I use when I need to take this approach. It’s not something you can replicate question-for-question but it should provide a helpful starting point. I’ll use toilet paper as an example. The idea is to see which of the questions after Q1 “beat” the baseline.
Baseline
Q1: Which toilet paper brand would you buy for your household?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
The “I can’t stop shitting” scenario
Q2: Imagine you or someone in your family is recovering from an illness that requires frequent trips to the bathroom. Which toilet paper brand would you buy for your household?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
The “It’s been a long day” scenario
Q3: Imagine you've just returned from a grueling, long day at the office. You're exhausted and seeking any small comfort you can find at home. Which toilet paper brand would you buy for your household?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
The “office bathroom” scenario
Q4: Which toilet paper brand would you like stocked in the bathrooms at your workplace?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
The “in-laws” scenario
Q5: Imagine your in-laws are staying at your home for a long weekend. Which toilet paper brand would you buy for their bathroom?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
The “parents” scenario
Q6: Imagine your parents are staying at your home for a long weekend. Which toilet paper brand would you buy for their bathroom?
○ Charmin: 24 rolls at $33.72
○ Cottonelle: 24 Rolls $26.21
Next Steps
If you’re considering creating a survey, but you’re unsure about your approach, then consider getting a Survey Roast.
Send me your survey draft, and for $145, I’ll make a 15 minute Loom video with copy-and-paste edits and suggestions.
I’d love to help.
Cheers,
Sam